she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
