I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
