She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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