youre lurking in front of me
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
