His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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