We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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