Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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