in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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