you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
