Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
