I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
