You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
