First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
