if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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