My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
