it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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