im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
third nipple confirmed
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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