i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
