I will die if light touches me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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