and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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