making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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