We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
