Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
