so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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