I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
