kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
