my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
