D3 body, D1 cock
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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