Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at templeÂ
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
