we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
