Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
