seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
