god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
