he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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