i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
