Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize