And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
