dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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