I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
