life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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