You really coming over, don't trick.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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