Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
