I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
