I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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