Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
