I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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