Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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