I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
