I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
