so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
