Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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