"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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