Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
