i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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