Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
