good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
