can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
