Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
