I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
