so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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