and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
