ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
