Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
