omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
