also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize