walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
honey bunches of taint.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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