I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm passing your future prison.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
