I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
