grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
