the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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