had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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