I think I just saw someone hide a body.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
